I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this Smitten thing. When things are good, they're great, but when they're bad, they're (for me, anyway) awful.
Basically, it just seems like 'he's just not that into me.'
This weekend was actually pretty great. A totally romantic Friday V-day, that went super well. I ended up seeing him 4 days in a row (we've never even seen each other 2 days in a row, so that was pretty major) and they were mostly great days.
After our romantic night at the opera, we went to a party where this jerk spilled beer all over my silk dress, twice, then started making comments about Smitten and me being all lovey-dovey. Smitten didn't respond appropriately, which upset me, so we actually left and I totally opened up to him, tearing up, telling him how I felt, all open and such. He did try, I think, but totally didn't know how to handle my vulnerability. Which made me feel that much worse.
He made up for it by coming over late Saturday, but I had to leave early on Sunday for rehearsal... and then.... nothing. (To be fair, he had to work the rest of the weekend. Yuck.) I emailed him to ask him to help me run lines, which he agreed to but only if I could meet him after 9, so I saw him super late last night, and he was super tired and went to bed after about an hour. This is the first time we haven't been physical together. And this morning, things seemed awkward, too.
I'm also pretty bummed because I have a big important gig this weekend, and he's on call for work, so he says he can't come. I'm not sure how much I believe this, because if his blackberry goes off and he has to run off, that's fine -- I even said as much. But he's going to be on call at his friend's party instead.
So now I feel like ... well ... crap. Like he does what I want if I ask, but he doesn't initiate much. And I probably freaked him with all my vulnerability. Which is shitty, because if you can't be vulnerable with someone you're dating, well, honestly, what's the point?