Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Taking it Easy

Thanks for the advice, ye few who remain! It's nice to have some reassurance. Right now I'm just trying to play it cool, not get too ahead of myself.

We had an impromptu hang out Monday night. I emailed him, apologizing for getting weird, then he apologized for being weird, then he suggested we talk it over. I think he was afraid that by agreeing to be my BF he may have signed up to spend every waking minute with me, or some such. I reassured him that no, basically I just want exclusivity, the courtesy of a conversation if that's no longer the case, and someone to call and maybe snuggle with if I have a bad day. He seemed very relieved. Then we had really really good sex. :)

Haven't heard much from him since (a meaningless email exchange yesterday) and don't know if I'm gonna see him again before I leave for Xmas (which is fine, really, I'm not going to be gone that long). Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Monday, December 18, 2006


Yes. Literally.

So... Smitten (as I'll call him) and I have been on 4 dates since our first one. All pretty darn good. Time evaporates when I'm with him. We'll start talking (or, more recently, gazing into each other's eyes) and suddenly hours will have gone by. Things are progressing in a positively wonderful way.

Saturday was the Big Date. One of my rules (as Dolly had to remind me) is to not sleep with a guy till we're exclusive. So I hinted at that to Smitten (and somehow I knew this would be the night). He had a little trouble figuring out what I was talking about.
"Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
"It's a concept," I replied.
"Oh." Then he got really nervous, and said, "well, I think I know what it is--but I don't want to overshoot the mark."
"I don't think you're going to overshoot the mark. I think you're right on the money."
"So I should ask you to marry me?" he said, jokingly.
"Yes, that's not overshooting the mark at all."
We laughed. Long pause. More eye gazing.
"Um..... will you be my girlfriend?"
"Of course," I say. We kiss. Then hop a cab to go back to his place.

Things were... good! Not perfect, but for the first time with someone, pretty darn close. We spent the next 12 hours in bed, kissing, making out, *ahem*, gazing into each others eyes, sleeping, then repeating the process. It was.... wonderful.

So, at some point I have to leave--one more holiday party to attend. We go to get sandwiches, sit in the park. And things get really weird. Basically, I freak out. I can barely talk to him, barely look at him all of a sudden. He's really confused. I try to explain. "You make me nervous, I don't know what to do." This seems to make him really cocky. And I'm nauseous. And can't eat my sandwich. (I still haven't eaten much since then, forced a few things down, but am not hungry) And he walks me to the subway, gives me a kiss, repeats our plans to see each other next. And leaves.

I know this is good. And he's doing all the right things. But I'm having trouble handling this. I really really really like him. Most of the guys I'm with just shower love and affection on me, and I just soak it up. But with him, like with the Poet, I'm invested. And since the only other time I felt that way, I got burned but good, I'm not sure I can handle it. So I just feel like I'm going to throw up constantly. Nice, huh?