Lovesick.
Yes. Literally.
So... Smitten (as I'll call him) and I have been on 4 dates since our first one. All pretty darn good. Time evaporates when I'm with him. We'll start talking (or, more recently, gazing into each other's eyes) and suddenly hours will have gone by. Things are progressing in a positively wonderful way.
Saturday was the Big Date. One of my rules (as Dolly had to remind me) is to not sleep with a guy till we're exclusive. So I hinted at that to Smitten (and somehow I knew this would be the night). He had a little trouble figuring out what I was talking about.
"Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
"It's a concept," I replied.
"Oh." Then he got really nervous, and said, "well, I think I know what it is--but I don't want to overshoot the mark."
"I don't think you're going to overshoot the mark. I think you're right on the money."
"So I should ask you to marry me?" he said, jokingly.
"Yes, that's not overshooting the mark at all."
We laughed. Long pause. More eye gazing.
"Um..... will you be my girlfriend?"
"Of course," I say. We kiss. Then hop a cab to go back to his place.
Things were... good! Not perfect, but for the first time with someone, pretty darn close. We spent the next 12 hours in bed, kissing, making out, *ahem*, gazing into each others eyes, sleeping, then repeating the process. It was.... wonderful.
So, at some point I have to leave--one more holiday party to attend. We go to get sandwiches, sit in the park. And things get really weird. Basically, I freak out. I can barely talk to him, barely look at him all of a sudden. He's really confused. I try to explain. "You make me nervous, I don't know what to do." This seems to make him really cocky. And I'm nauseous. And can't eat my sandwich. (I still haven't eaten much since then, forced a few things down, but am not hungry) And he walks me to the subway, gives me a kiss, repeats our plans to see each other next. And leaves.
I know this is good. And he's doing all the right things. But I'm having trouble handling this. I really really really like him. Most of the guys I'm with just shower love and affection on me, and I just soak it up. But with him, like with the Poet, I'm invested. And since the only other time I felt that way, I got burned but good, I'm not sure I can handle it. So I just feel like I'm going to throw up constantly. Nice, huh?
So... Smitten (as I'll call him) and I have been on 4 dates since our first one. All pretty darn good. Time evaporates when I'm with him. We'll start talking (or, more recently, gazing into each other's eyes) and suddenly hours will have gone by. Things are progressing in a positively wonderful way.
Saturday was the Big Date. One of my rules (as Dolly had to remind me) is to not sleep with a guy till we're exclusive. So I hinted at that to Smitten (and somehow I knew this would be the night). He had a little trouble figuring out what I was talking about.
"Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
"It's a concept," I replied.
"Oh." Then he got really nervous, and said, "well, I think I know what it is--but I don't want to overshoot the mark."
"I don't think you're going to overshoot the mark. I think you're right on the money."
"So I should ask you to marry me?" he said, jokingly.
"Yes, that's not overshooting the mark at all."
We laughed. Long pause. More eye gazing.
"Um..... will you be my girlfriend?"
"Of course," I say. We kiss. Then hop a cab to go back to his place.
Things were... good! Not perfect, but for the first time with someone, pretty darn close. We spent the next 12 hours in bed, kissing, making out, *ahem*, gazing into each others eyes, sleeping, then repeating the process. It was.... wonderful.
So, at some point I have to leave--one more holiday party to attend. We go to get sandwiches, sit in the park. And things get really weird. Basically, I freak out. I can barely talk to him, barely look at him all of a sudden. He's really confused. I try to explain. "You make me nervous, I don't know what to do." This seems to make him really cocky. And I'm nauseous. And can't eat my sandwich. (I still haven't eaten much since then, forced a few things down, but am not hungry) And he walks me to the subway, gives me a kiss, repeats our plans to see each other next. And leaves.
I know this is good. And he's doing all the right things. But I'm having trouble handling this. I really really really like him. Most of the guys I'm with just shower love and affection on me, and I just soak it up. But with him, like with the Poet, I'm invested. And since the only other time I felt that way, I got burned but good, I'm not sure I can handle it. So I just feel like I'm going to throw up constantly. Nice, huh?
posted by Pretty Polly at 11:14 AM
4 Comments:
Polly, I totally hear you. This always happens to me when I`m in a new and apparently vulnerable emotional situation. And it`s not exactly easy to say, "You make me feel nauseous", without it being an insult.
You know that it`s a totally normal thing for you to be nervous about putting yourself out there emotionally when you`ve been stung before.
In any case, remind yourself that the love-part of your life is only one part of your life. 95% of your life and happiness does not revolve around whether or not this relationship works. If he leaves tomorrow, your life won`t change that drastically.
Nonetheless, you need to trust yourself a little more. You are strong enough and smart enough to weigh the risks when it comes to letting someone into your life. You do have good judgment, and you are going to be ok-- in fact, better than ok.
It sounds like you have a wonderful holiday season ahead of you-- enjoy it!
Do what you can to "normalize" your life. Get some sleep, watch your favorite show, talk to your friends. Try to relax--do some yoga or go to the gym. You've freaked yourself out a little, but it's going to be ok.
I'm happy for you!
Good to see you back. Here's to your home, and here's to your acting career.
In my experience, the temptation is to spend too much time with someone who satisfies you emotionally. I've had a few > 18 hour first dates, for instance. It's like, neither of you can help yourselves. I don't know if yours is similar.
You should take it as a compliment that the guy gets cocky when you admit that he is affecting you. It shows that he has enough respect for you that he believes that to be a great accomplishment.
On the other hand, here's hoping that he doesn't press his advantage too hard. A woman's grace is a butterfly, not an anvil.
Playing coy is more than a defense mechanism; it's actually good for a relationship, like annealing is for metals.
Giving yourself ample space reinforces the more constructive gender roles (not the bad ones, mind) and allows you to retain some perspective, which never hurt anybody. Of course, you can't be reclusive either.
Dating is similar to landing a plane in this respect. Open the throttle too enthusiastically and you'll miss the landing strip or shear off your wheels. Too much choke and you stall out and drop like a rock.
So...uhh, y'gonna eat that sandwich?
awww, it's fun and nice to make that leap, but it can be scary too. best of luck!
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