Independence Day

My first 4th of July in 10 years without a boyfriend.

What? Yeah, you read that right. My last single 4th was in high school. Sure, there’ve been 3 different July 4th boyfriends since, but when I started to think back to the last 4th of July I spent alone, to reassure myself, I realized that as an adult, well, I never had. As a result I’ve been conditioned to expect the 4th to be a ‘romantic’ holiday, one spent snuggling in my sweetie’s arms as we gaze at the night sky together, just like the candid pic here, taken a few 4ths ago. My favorite photograph ever.

So spending yesterday alone seemed a frightening prospect. Though initially (read: when coupled) I was upset that I’d have a show on the 4th, it turned out to be my saving grace. My theatre company had a pre-show BBQ at the theatre, and we had an awesome crowd for the show (I’m sure the fact that I was a little tipsy—for the first time on stage ever—made me enjoy the show just that much more). Afterwards, I decided to leave on my full showgirl makeup (it took 90 minutes to apply, I might as well enjoy it), fake eyelashes and all. And boy, did the boys come out to flirt.

I’ve never quite understood that attraction. Here I am, wearing more makeup than seems humanly possible, somewhere on the spectrum between porn star and drag queen, and I get noticeably more attention. I don’t know, I think I’d prefer a guy who prefers something a little more natural looking. But hey, I need the ego boost right now.

The whole company ended up trekking to the Founding Member’s Brooklyn rooftop (longtime readers, remember him?). And what a view. We had a straight shot of the midtown set of fireworks, with the Empire State and Chrysler Building directly behind, serving as a backdrop. Beautiful. Though my instincts screamed “snuggle,” there was no one to snuggle with, so I drank champagne with company members and enjoyed the view.

Tried to flirt a bit with the Founding Member after the fireworks, but kept getting intercepted by a new acquaintance who was quite obviously flirting with me. Not exactly my type, but he was super cute, if a bit short, and a budding director with some amazing credits for someone his age. Flattering at the very least.

As all of us Manhattanites trekked back to the city together, I looked around. Surrounded by new friends, happy to take care of me, listen, and offer support, I smiled. Though it certainly was a new experience of independence, I felt anything but alone.