Yuck

The last two weeks have been pretty intense for me. I've had two shows open, more rehearsal than humanly possible, and have been trying to squeeze in friend time, work time, and a bid on a house. Not to mention spending time with IBF. Things with him have been a bit rocky, but I've been chalking it up to these intense last weeks. Things came to a head today, though, and it seems we have a quite uncertain future...

Friday was his friend's birthday. He's close friends with this girl who's totally gorgeous, who of course tends to make me feel insecure. The fact that he used to have a giant crush on her doesn't help either. Anyway, before we head over to her party, we meet at Union Square. And twice(!!) he totally drifts off while I'm mid-sentence, and just stops listening to me, watching the breakdancers. So I let it go, but finally can't handle it, and call him on it. And he says that he can still hear, even if he's not looking at me, that he's not going to "yes dear" me, and ends up getting mad at me for being mad at him. WTF?? He doesn't get over it, either, not through dinner, and not seemingly for the rest of the night. I have to head over to rehearsal at 10pm (we pulled an all-nighter... not fun) and he sweetly brings my forgotten script over at around 1ish (which I desperately needed) and heads back home.

The next morning I wake up and he's gone (he had the finals for his pool league and had to wake up at 5:30. Yikes). So I hang around his house for a few hours, he calls and says he lost. Bummer. That he's on his way back. I ask if he wants to come to the opener of my show, at 7pm, or another show afterwards (there was a possibility he'd still be shooting pool at that point). He replies that he'll probably be sleeping through my show, but the other show sounds good. I then have to jump through some hoops to get tickets (the other show is sold out) and get my friends at the theatre to arrange for comp tickets for IBF. Nice, right? But when he gets home he tells me he's too tired to go, and won't be attending either show. When I get upset (I had to pull a few strings to get the comps and now I'm gonna look like an idiot) he starts telling me that I'm so selfish that his health is less important to me than how I look to the theatre company. Since he's only tired, not sick, I say "um, yeah" and leave (I have to go open a show--and now we've had our 2nd fight in two days. Not the greatest place to be.)

So last night I decide not to crash at his place, even though I was planning to. I do send him a text message, though: "Sorry I got so mad. Sleep well. See you.... Mon?"

This morning he's online, but not talking to me. Finally he IMs me and we start having this huge argument online, which I finally insist on taking to the phone (an IM fight? How wrong is that). Basically he's feeling smothered the last few weeks because he can never be spontaneous with me--he has to plan seeing me in advance, and since I don't have that much free time, he ends up hanging out with me whenever I'm free and doesn't see his other friends. And he's the type of guy that doesn't like to make plans, so he can't make plans with his other friends, he just usu. calls them up that morning to see what they're up to. But he can't do that with me.

So now, we're talking breakup. As I see it, we only have a few options:
1. Continue how things are going
2. Try not planning anything and see how that goes (when I suggested this, he jumped on me, saying "why are you thinking THAT all of a sudden")
3. Break up
4. Take a break

He said he's taking option 5, time to think. So I'm heading over there to get a bunch of stuff I left over there that I'll need. He says he don't know how much time he'll need to think, so I'm planning worst case scenario.

Honestly I'm not really feeling very optimistic right now--I'm feeling like every time I'm upset, he turns it around to him, and I'm totally unable to see why scheduling time together is such an awful thing.

Yikes.