Vent
I'm totally sucking in acting class as of late. We have to come up with still more activities, and I'm driving myself crazy because I've already killed everyone in my family and most of my friends. Yet the Guru, our teacher, requires more and more activities--and on Tuesday, when people didn't have the best activities, she gave us a huge lecture. "The moment you say 'this will do' you've lost us as an actor," she repeated, over and over. This is true, we were half-assing things a bit. So I tried to go all out for my activity yesterday. The circumstance was that my sister had been raped, so I was going to make this creepy voodoo doll thing to send to her rapist. And I would be working on my anger, which is something I have trouble expressing. Insta-Boy and his friend even helped by finding me black candles (not the easist thing to find in NYC, as it turns out...). I do my activity, get furious, am totally happy. The Guru's response? "I'm glad you're emotionally connected to the circumstance, but I think you could find a better activity." Great. Thanks. I've never been able to get mad in class doing an activity, and the one time I do she says she doesn't like the activity??? Great.
Then, we get assigned scenes. I've been looking forward to this for weeks, because I'm much better at the scene work then the activity work anyway. And..... she switches our scene partners. My scene partner, who's clearly the best guy in the class, gets moved to work with his old partner, and I get someone new. My new partner isn't bad, but he's not quite where my old partner was, and I was SO LOOKING FORWARD to WORKING WITH HIM!!!! I'm so pissed off right now, I can't even tell you. I feel like the Guru is punishing me because my activity work hasn't been great. And, to top it all off, my scene sucks. I'm playing this dream-crushing bitch of a character, that I can totally not even relate to, which means I'm not going to be very good. Which means I may not get invited into the 2nd year of the program. Which means this whole year was a big waste of my time.
To make me feel even better about the whole thing, I called Insta-Boy as I got out of class, asked him if he could meet me for dinner (so I could vent). He had just eaten, but told me to text when I got out of rehearsal. So I did, and he replied: "I'm in full cleaning mode. Plus I looked at finances and I shouldn't spend till my freelance check comes in on Tuesday."
Nice. So I went home alone, and pissed. He did call to talk later on, so I do appreciate that, but I really could have used an in person conversation. Isn't that what BFs are for? Now I'm regretting the "moving too fast" thing, though, because we haven't known each other long enough for me to really rely on him (and I can't really say, yet, "I need you to do this"--don't wan't to be the "too clingy" GF, here).
Well, at least I can vent here. Thank god for blogs.
Then, we get assigned scenes. I've been looking forward to this for weeks, because I'm much better at the scene work then the activity work anyway. And..... she switches our scene partners. My scene partner, who's clearly the best guy in the class, gets moved to work with his old partner, and I get someone new. My new partner isn't bad, but he's not quite where my old partner was, and I was SO LOOKING FORWARD to WORKING WITH HIM!!!! I'm so pissed off right now, I can't even tell you. I feel like the Guru is punishing me because my activity work hasn't been great. And, to top it all off, my scene sucks. I'm playing this dream-crushing bitch of a character, that I can totally not even relate to, which means I'm not going to be very good. Which means I may not get invited into the 2nd year of the program. Which means this whole year was a big waste of my time.
To make me feel even better about the whole thing, I called Insta-Boy as I got out of class, asked him if he could meet me for dinner (so I could vent). He had just eaten, but told me to text when I got out of rehearsal. So I did, and he replied: "I'm in full cleaning mode. Plus I looked at finances and I shouldn't spend till my freelance check comes in on Tuesday."
Nice. So I went home alone, and pissed. He did call to talk later on, so I do appreciate that, but I really could have used an in person conversation. Isn't that what BFs are for? Now I'm regretting the "moving too fast" thing, though, because we haven't known each other long enough for me to really rely on him (and I can't really say, yet, "I need you to do this"--don't wan't to be the "too clingy" GF, here).
Well, at least I can vent here. Thank god for blogs.
posted by Pretty Polly at 10:09 AM
4 Comments:
It sounds to me more like you are being tested by "the guru" than being punished. Is it possible that this is supposed to be a custom tailored challenge for you?
You weren't given a "bad scene," you were given one that is a particular challenge for you. And you were not allowed to use your partner as a crutch.
That sucks, but its also an opportunity. Your teacher has seen enough of your ability to know that he is putting you against type.
You say that scenes are your strength. Ok, this is your opportunity to prove it. Do the homework neccissary to make it work.
You woundn't be in the program in the first place if you weren't capable of rising to this challenge.
I agree with Matt. It sounds like the Guru is testing you.
You just had a bad day. It happens to us all. Best thing to do is tale some deep breaths and if that doesn't work, tequila usually does the job for me!
(in dry voice) welcome to my world. muah. this totally sounds like my last two acting class rants. I'm going in for more torture tonight. Actually, ditto Matt sweetie; you know you've been working on your craft and it sounds like this might be a final test of your mettle as it were. Good luck! Feel free to vent anytime! =)
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